


Gotta Get An Upgrade

by your_starless_eyes



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Arguing, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awkward Dates, Best Friends, Coming Out, Conversations, Crossover, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Fluff and Angst, For a Friend, Friendship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inspired by Music, M/M, New Jersey, New York, Non-Consensual Kissing, Over two thousand words of weirdness I guess, Past Relationship(s), Phil Needs a Hug, Phone Calls & Telephones, Popularity, Post-Squip, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sleepy Cuddles, Sleepy Kisses, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, The squip is an evil floppy disk, Time Skips, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-11 11:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_starless_eyes/pseuds/your_starless_eyes
Summary: Phil notices Dan becoming more and more aloof and obsessive as the tour continues on. He ends up talking to a high school in New Jersey's resident "stoner" after a fatal mistake is made on stage.*contains spoilers for the Be More Chill musical*





	Gotta Get An Upgrade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dani_be_crazy00](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dani_be_crazy00/gifts).



> Phandom: you don't have to know anything about the musical, really.  
> Be More Chill fans: you don't have to really know anything about Dan or Phil either.  
> Both: neither one of you need to know Jimmy or Byrony, but if you do, props.
> 
> (Hey Dani, this one's for you, friend, as a thank you for all you've done for me. I love you so much, girlie.)

 "No, not like that."

Daniel Howell throws his hands up in frustration before shoving them back in his coat pockets. "Then  _how?_ Don't just criticise me-  _help_ me!"

"Take your hands out of your pockets." The voice is smooth, authoritative- in complete control. Dan does, keeping his eyes on the floor. He feels a finger beneath his chin, telling him to look up. Dan doesn't. He knows there's no one really there; it's all in his head. "Daniel, for this to work, you need to  _do as I say_. Understand?"

"Yeah," Dan mumbles, finally doing as he's asked. His coffee-coloured eyes meet the fierce blue of a young man in a dark coat. 

"Good," the Squip whispers, smirking as it steps back. "Stand up straighter." Dan sighs as he straightens his spine, pulling himself up to his full height of six feet and three inches. "There we go."

"I feel like this is a mistake," Dan admits softly. "I... I only want to impress one man, and he likes me the way I am."

"Daniel, you're an entertainer," the Squip reminds him, gesturing to the empty theatre around them. Dan nods. "If the public hates you, what do you have left?"

"N-nothing, I- I guess," Dan stammers.

"Exactly. Now, repeat after me- everything about you is just terrible."

"Everything about me is just terrible," Dan whispers, his eyes welling up with tears.

"Good. Everything about you makes me want to die."

"Everything about me makes me want to die." Dab chokes back a sob, crying freely now.

"Let's get to work, why don't we?" the Squip asks softly. Dan nods, wiping his eyes with his sleeves.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Let's."

***

"Thank you, everybody! Good night!" Phil Lester calls, waving enthusiastically as the screen comes down. The cheers of the audience still loud and clear. Phil slumps against the piano in exhaustion as he removes his microphone, tossing it a few feet away. He knows it's off, but he's not risking having any private conversations overheard.

"Wow." Dan sounds tired, but disinterested. Phil looks up.

"What's wrong?" he asks. Dan's eyes flick up, looking at something behind Phil, and he shakes his head.

"Nothing," he replies, standing up. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"Yeah, fine." Phil waves a hand dismissively. "Take care of your own shit if that's what you want. I'm not in the mood to fuck with you tonight."

"Yeah, whatever."

***

Dan splashes water on his face, feeling sick. 

"I can't do that to him," he tells the Squip, turning to face the program. 

"You're losing interest," it replies. "You need a scandal."

"A scandal?" Dan repeats incredulously. "I am not about to risk the relationship I have with the only man I've ever loved for the sake of some publicity!"

"Whatever you say," the Squip replies, smirking. "Whatever you say."

***

"This next answer is from Cara, who says  _being more than five feet away from Phil_ ," Phil reads, frowning slightly at the words on the screen. He turns towards Dan, pointing at him dramatically. "Which one would make you want to die more, Daniel? Being in a room full of moths for half an hour or being more than five feet away from me?"

"Well," Dan replies, pretending to think about it, "I know what answer everyone expects me to give, but that's not what I'd say."

"Right, it's obviously the box of mo-" Phil's words cut off with a small squeak as Dan wraps an arm around his shoulder. Phil can feel that his face is flushed red, and he hopes it just looks like it's the red lights on his fair skin. The audience cheers, and Phil forces a laugh before trying to move away from the younger man. Dan's fingers tighten on his shoulder, though, and Phil barely stifles a cry of pain and surprise.

"Clearly, it's being away from this man," Dan says. Phil laughs nervously again.

"Well, that's a surprise," he tells Dan, reaching up to remove his arm, but Dan's grip moves to his hip as he pulls him close. "What are you-" Phil's words are cut off.

"I can surprise you a little more," Dan whispers. Phil's eyes widen, and then-

-and then Dan is kissing him. Phil tries to pull back, but Dan's hold is too tight, too restraining. Phil can't breathe, can't think, can't move. This isn't what kissing Dan is usually like.

Suddenly Phil is aware of the audience again, of the cheers and the sounds of digust, and he feels sick.

He reaches up and shoves Dan back as hard as he can, quickly moving away.

"No," Phil breathes, his voice breaking. The audience is deathly silent now, hanging on to his every word. " _No!_ " He covers his face with his hands, trying to maintain control over himself. "You don't- you- I-" Phil looks up, shaking his head as tears prick his eyes dangerously. "What the  _fuck_ was that?"

"I-" There's a sudden change in Dan's body language and tone- small, but noticeable to Phil. "Oh, my God!"

"I can't believe you," Phil whispers, raking a hand through his dark hair. "I don't believe this."

"Phil, I-" Dan begins, reaching for him, but Phil grabs his wrist and pushes him away, blue eyes full of anger.

"Don't touch me," he says. "Don't you _dare_ touch me."

There's that almost imperceptible change again, and Dan is reaching for him again. Phil reacts before he even realises what he's doing.

He snags the younger man's wrist expertly, catching his other and squeezing tightly. "Did you not hear me?" He shoves Dan back again. "I'm not fucking around, Daniel." He casts a nervous glance at the still mostly silent audience. "I-"

The loud sound of a whistle tears through the air, and that's the breaking point for Phil.

"Who did that?" he demands, pointing accusatorily at the crowd. "Show yourself!" No one says a word; the air seems to have been sucked out of the entire theatre. Phil, on the other hand, is livid.

"Phil, calm down." Dan's voice is too level, too quiet. Something is very wrong- Phil knows it in the back of his head- but he's too far beyond pissed to give a shit.

"No, no no no," he laughs, fixing Dan with a piercing stare. "If they want a show, I can give one. Isn't that right, Daniel?"

"Fuck," Dan breathes, and Phil sees that tiny change again. "Phil, calm down, _please_."

"Fine- do the whole fucking tour by yourself," Phil tells him harshly. "I'm out."

He marches off the stage, and it's only once he's managed to lock himself in a closet and yank off his headset that he lets himself cry.

***

To Phil's credit, he is holding to his slightly dramatic declaration. Dan can't get him to come out of the closet- no pun intended.

"What do I do?" Dan moans, pulling at his hair. "I didn't want this any more than he did!"

"I told you, Daniel," the Squip says, learning against the wall. "You needed a scandal. If that wasn't one, I don't know what is."

"You had no right to make me do those things!" Dan shouts angrily. "Fuck it- how do I get you out of my head?"

The Squip just smirks. "You can't."

"You're a computer; there has to be some way to shut you down!" Dan says, hitting his palm with his fist as he thinks.

"There's a couple, but if you think  _I'm_ going to tell you..." The Squip laughs. "Well, you're quite stupid."

"I'll figure it out," Dan growls. "Just watch."

***

Michael Mell is sitting on a bench by a park in the New York outskirts when a man sits down a few feet away. He's clearly annoyed, so Michael doesn't bother him- at least, not until the man begins talking to himself and Michael starts listening in.

"...but what the hell is wrong with him? Is he on some weird drug or something? Stressed out so much he lost the couple brain cells he had left?" He huffs in frustration. "God!"

"Friend issues too?" Michael asks quietly. The man looks up in surprise.

"I guess you could say that," he allows. "More along the lines of idiot boyfriend and business partner, though."

"Oh." Michael nods. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'll kick his arse later," the man replies with a wave of his hand. "The name's Phil."

"Michael," Michael returns. Phil smiles gently.

"That's my middle name," he whispers. "You from around here, Michael?"

"Kind of," Michael answers. "New Jersey, but this is close enough. You're not."

Phil laughs. "No, not at all. I'm an England native."

"What are you doing in New York?"

"It's... work, I guess." Phil seems uneasy, so Michael doesn't press further.

"So, your pal is acting all weird too, huh?" he asks instead. Phil nods.

"At first I thought it was just stress, but then he kissed me in-" Phil stops himself. "The point is, he never wanted our relationship out, and neither did I, and then he went and outed us to a crap-ton of people."

"Is he talking to himself a lot?" Michael asks curiously. Phil frowns, pushing his black hair back.

"Yeah, a bit more than usual," he allows. 

Michael curses. "I don't believe it."

"Don't believe what?" Phil seems confused.

"He's got himself a Squip!" Michael exclaims. "Same as my friend!"

"A  _what_?" Phil asks. "A quid?"

"A Squip," Michael repeats, standing up and pacing around. "Oh, this is bad."

"Slow down!" Phil pleads, standing as well. "What the hell is a Squip?"

"Something-Quantum-Unit-Intel-Processor," Michael answers, not really paying attention. "It's a supercomputer in a pill-like capsule and when you take it, it's supposed to, like, help you be more  _cool_ or something." He stops pacing for a second, his eyes wide. "People have gone insane from this thing- it's bad news."

"And that's inside Dan?" Phil demands, looking sick.

"Sounds like it," Michael answers grimly. He grins as he adds, "lucky for you, though, I've done research."

"Is there a way to get it out?" Phil asks.

"Not exactly," Michael admits, "but you  _can_ shut it down."

"With what?"

"That's the issue," Michael says sheepishly. "I don't know yet."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Phil groans, sitting back down on the bench. "Can't we go to  _one_ country without causing some huge issue?"

Michael doesn't ask what he means. "If you have a friend who can help you do some research on this thing, you might want to hit them up."

Phil's eyes suddenly light up. "Jimmy! If anyone knows about obscure technology, it's going to be Jimmy."

"Well, good luck," Michael tells him, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. "I'm going to see what I can do for Jeremy." He starts walking, but then he stops. "By the way, it's from Japan. Don't know if that's helpful but...

"Good luck."

***

Dan is tearing his hair out trying to think, pushing back and forth and back and forth and-

"Stop." The Squip holds out a hand, eyes narrow. Dan does, his foot in poised in the midst of a step. "You're worried about nothing."

"I can't fucking find Phil!" he shouts. "That's not  _nothing_ , okay?"

"It's not a big deal," the Squip assures him. "He'll come back- the odds dictate it."

"Phil is a human being," Dan growls. "The odds don't matter! He'll do whatever the hell he feels like doing at that particular moment, no matter how impulsive. If that means buying a plane ticket back to England, he'll do it. If that means going completely off the radar, he'll do it. Your  _odds_ don't mean jack-shit!"

"Daniel, Phil's past behaviour indicates a significant bias towards you," the Squip tells him. "He has strong feelings for you; more times than not he will take your interests over his own."

"You don't know him like I do."

"I know  _people_ , Dan."

"You don't know _this_ one."

***

Phil moves his phone back and forth between his left and right hand, his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. Finally, he presses the _call_ button, putting the phone to his ear.

It rings for several seconds before there's a change in sound, ragged breaths filling Phil's ear- no pun intended.

"Hello?" a tired voice croaks.

"Jimmy?" Phil asks.

There's a long groan. "Phil? What the hell? It's like three in the morning."

"Oh, shit, time zones," Phil remembers, smacking his forehead. "I'm so sorry, Jim, but it's important."

"Better be," Jimmy complains. "You've got explaining to do, Lester."

"I need all the information you've got on this supercomputer," Phil says quickly. "It's called a... a Squip?"

Phil hears Jimmy sit up. "Phil, what the fuck? Tell me you haven't gotten yourself mixed up with that shit."

"Not me," Phil assures him, tapping his fingers nervously on his thigh. "Dan, I think."

"Oh, dear," Jimmy sighs, and Phil hears typing. "Phil Lester, hearing from you never gives a dull moment."

"I tried to Google it," Phil explains, "but I couldn't find a thing."

"Yeah," Jimmy scoffs. "That's because it's top secret, can't look it up on the internet _shit_."

"Well, fuck," Phil huffs. "Tell me you have something, then?"

"I do," Jimmy confirms. "I just emailed it to you."

"You're a life saver," Phil gushes, checking his notifications.

_[999+ unread emails]_

_From: **Jimmy Hill** [jimmy0010@...]:_ _**(no subject)**_    _[phil.leste...]_

"Got it?" Jimmy asks.

"Yeah," Phil answers.

"Good." Jimmy pauses. "You be careful, Philly. That thing is bad news."

"I'll try," Phil promises. "Get some rest, Jim."

"Easy order to follow," Jimmy laughs.

"You always did like me bossing you around," Phil teases.

Jimmy scoffs. "Yeah, on the rare occasions you were actually dominant. Get out of here, you little weasel."

"Love you," Phil sings.

"Yeah, love you too." Jimmy yawns. "I'm going back to sleep."

"You do that," Phil whispers. "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Mmm, hopefully," Jimmy agrees. "Good night, Phil."

"Good night, Jim." Phil hangs up, opening the email Jimmy sent and downloading the .pdf attachment.

_Time to read up on this monster of a program._

***

Michael picks up a bottle of Mountain Dew Red, grinning.

"Bingo," he whispers.

"You buying that?" the cashier asks, confused. "Didn't think kids your age knew that stuff existed; it was discontinued in the nineties, you know."

"I need it for something," Michael replies, slamming the plastic bottle down on the counter dramatically. "I have an evil floppy disk to shut down."

***

Phil bites his lip as he dials his second obscenely early British wake-up call- this time to his quirky retro-obsessed friend.

She picks up after four rings. 

"Phil, what the actual fuck?" Bryony groans. "It's five in the morning. Call me later."

"No!" Phil shouts, panicked. "Don't hang up! I need your help!"

"I'm listening, but make it fast," Bryony tells him.

"Mountain Dew Red," Phil reads. "Where can I find it?"

"What?" Bryony scoffs. "I swear to God, Phil, if this is some joke, I'm going to kill you when you get back home."

"It's not- I promise," Phil vows. "I'll swear it on a Bible!"

"Coming from a non-religious queer man, that doesn't mean a lot, but..." Bryony sighs tiredly. "Christ."

"Bry, please," Phil begs. "You don't understand-"

"Yeah, yeah." She yawns. "Lucky for you I did it while complaining. Check your texts, loser." Sure enough, there's three new texts from Bryony.

"Thank you!" Phil gushes, running down the street. "You have no idea how much this was needed."

"I expect a full explanation come a reasonable hour," Bryony tells him seriously. 

"Of course," Phil gasps out, entering the train station. "I'll tell you everything, but first, I need that drink."

"You're fucking weird," Bryony whispers. "Love you, Phil."

"Love you, Bry," Phil returns, inserting a card into a machine as he buys a train ticket. "Go back to sleep."

"I'm going to assume this is all a dream," she mumbles sleepily.

Phil hangs up, glancing over the list Bryony sent.

_Perfect._

***

" _Michael makes an entrance!_ "

The door bursts open as a young man in a hoodie leaps into the room dramatically.

"Michael!" Jeremy cries, grinning happily.

"I was just in the audience thinking,  _This is pretty good for a school play_ ," Michael says. "Then I was like, _this is way too good for a school play!_ They've all been Squiped, right?"  
  
"Wait, you came to see me in the play?" Jeremy asks.  
  
Michael nods. "Even brought my own refreshments!" He pulls a bottle out of his pocket, letting it hit the light.  
  
"Is that-?" Jeremy gasps.  
  
"Mountain Dew Red!" Michael confirms proudly. "Told you I did my research." He turns to another student. "Hey! Jake! This is gonna sound weird, but if I hold down Jeremy, will you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?"  
  
Jake contemplates it for a second. "Actually, that doesn't sound weird at all."  
  
_"Up Up Down Down Left Right A_."

Jeremy is the only one who hears it, but everyone else sees the effect.

The Kunami Code- the code that allows one person's Squip to connect to another's and control both parties.

***

Phil marches back to the venue, banging on the back door loudly. His purposeful demeanour and attitude only barely conceals his nerves.

The door swings open, and Phil slips inside with a rushed word of thanks. He heads down the hall to the dressing room, where he's sure Dan will be. Sure enough, a quick peek inside reveals Dan crying in the corner. Phil pauses.

"I don't want this!" Dan is saying, looking at something Phil can't see. There's a pause. "Yes! I'm sure! Phil is the only one for me, so fuck off!"

Phil's grip on the bottle of bottle of red soda tightens, and he finally walks in, hiding it beneath his shirt.

"Oh, you're back," Dan says, suddenly emotionless. Phil nods, walking around Dan's chair.

"Yeah, I am," Phil confirms. Dan hardly looks up, and Phil's heart rate picks up as he pulls the bottle back out from beneath his shirt and unscrews the cap. The faint hiss sounds like a gunshot in Phil's ears, but Dan doesn't seem to hear.

"You know, you overreacted," Dan mutters. "Like, a lot."

"Sorry," Phil replies, not at all apologetic. 

That's Dan's- and the Squip's- first tip off that something is on Phil's mind.

Dan goes to look up, but Phil makes his choice in that split second.

He grabs at Dan's hair, yanking his head back, and tries to force the red drink into his mouth. Dan yelps, instinctively fighting against Phil and sliding out of his hold, standing up and looking poised to fight.

"Daniel, I'm not here to hurt you," Phil assures him softly. "I just want to get that thing out of your head. It's hurting you; I can tell."

"How did you know?" Dan asks. 

"Someone told me about this... Squip. That it implants in your brain and supposedly helps with all this stuff, but really it's hurting you badly. That people literally go insane from that shit." Phil holds up the bottle of soda, his hands trembling. "This is what shuts it down."

Dan stares at Phil for a long moment, his eyes darting back and forth at something right behind the older man. "Phil, I-" Dan groans, holding his head in his hands as he starts pacing. "What the hell?"

"Dan, please," Phil begs. "Just a sip and you'll be back to normal."

Phil has no idea what lies the supercomputer is telling Dan. It's literally inside his head; it knows every inch of Dan's mind.

_Dan's mind._

Maybe the Squip knows every part of Dan's head, but Phil knows his heart, and maybe that realisation is what triggers Phil's next rash decision.

He shoves Dan against the wall, trying to hold him there, but Dan is fighting with every ounce of strength in him. Phil swears loudly as Dan hits him in the face, the red soda spilling over his hand. 

"Stop fighting!" Phil shouts. "I'm trying to _help_ you!"

" _I'm_ not doing anything!" Dan cries, lunging for the Mountain Dew Red. "It's this motherfucker!"

"Goddamn it!" Phil huffs in frustration, stepping away from Dan. "Do I need a second person to hold you down so I can pour this down your throat?"

"I'm not going to lie- probably!" Dan gasps, leaning on the counter. "Jesus Christ!"

Phil assesses Dan's current position, his chances of getting this right. Phil only has one shot at this, and it's risky considering that Dan is significantly stronger than him. Still, it's the only option left.

He sets the bottle down on the floor before launching at Dan, wrapping an arm around the under man's waist and yanking him back. Dan shouts in surpise, twisting as he tries to free himself, but Phil somehow manages to force Dan to the ground.

"Ow, fuck," Dan grits out. "I know this is for the greater good and all, but shit."

"I'm sorry," Phil says, wincing as Dan kicks him square in the hip. "This whole thing probably hurts me way more than it hurts you, though. You're a lot stronger than you think."

"It's not me, I promise." Dan nearly catches the side of Phil's face with his fist, and Phil lets out a startled squeak.

"I'm ready to end this," he decides, reaching for the Mountain Dew. He manages to snag it, but the movement allows Dan to squirm free slightly. Phil growls, grabbing a fistful of Dan's dark hair and making him turn onto his back. "I'm really sorry about this." With that, he forces Dan's mouth open, pouring a large amount of the red soda into it. Dan chokes, trying to spit, but Phil pinches his nose and holds his mouth shut, forcing Dan to swallow to breathe.

It's only once Dan draws in a deep breath and starts screaming bloody murder that Phil lets him go, confident that the end of this adventure is here.

***

Michael exhales sharply as he uncovers his ears, the cast of the school play slowly stopping their screaming. He looks at Jeremy with a small smile, running a hand through his dark hair.

"Welcome back."

***

Phil curls up in Dan's lap, yawning sleepily as the tour bus drives across the American-Canadian border.

"It's nice to not worry about you," he admits. "Though I really don't know how we're fixing this one."

"I'm sorry," Dan whispers, staring out the window. "I didn't want that either."

"We'll figure it out," Phil reasons. "Right?"

"Right." Dan nods, looking down at the older man. "You and me against the world." Phil smiles.

"Always."

***

> _And all there are voices all around /_ _And you can never mute the sound /_ _They scream and shout /_ _I tune 'em out /_ _And make up my own mind /_ _Might still have voices in my head /_ _But now, they're just the normal kind /_ _Voices in my head, but now they're /_ _The normal kind!_

**Author's Note:**

> Socials ~
> 
> Insta: cosmologicaldan  
> Twitter: cosmologicaldan  
> Quotev: dimstarlitghts  
> Art insta: dimstarlitnights  
> 


End file.
